Thursday, August 25, 2011
Friday, August 19, 2011
Stay Connected & Loaded with good stuff*!
Hey there friends latley ive been thinking alot about connecting/ loading.
this day in age is about computers and cell phones and gadgets the things i love!"
during my last 7 years of beeing married to someone who wanted the single life and married life
both worlds at once, letting go the life i new so well, being lied too betrayed by two of the closest people i thought he loved me. well i was wrong! and God showed me loud and clear that its ok to let go let God.
i love to hold on to things for as long as i can like old diaries journals, movies/ cassate tapes/ year books since i've had
way back in junior high! through highschool cant let go of those because it was a part of my life who i am.
i was holding on to my marraige so tightly i lost my self in the whole process, if u have a spouse who is not willing to change
i believe that its ok to let go and move on start a new chapter in your life because thats what i surley did!
it was verry hard because i was a step mom of two kids ive known when the boy was 3 yrs of age, and the girl was 8 at the time. so they say after 5 years of blended family, kids accept the new person by then.
so as i was saying married to a man that i loved so much was far from feeling the same for me, many times lies lies lies and more lies, and then a double wammy betrayal. that hurt the most like i got the wind knocked out of me so hard it seemed like. its not a very fun place to be in but somehow nothing surprisez God everything goes through his hands first he didnt let me go through this because i didnt try hard enough... he did this so i can learn grow and stay connected to God my heavenly father. i still remember every details of all the lies i cought that person in and all the anger feelings/ and for him to always put me down emotionally abuse including his daughter. with my heart issues i couldnt handle all this stress and it wwas not ment for me, to stay in a marraige to someone who doesnt love me. betrayed me, I belive God hates divorse says in Bible/ but he also says if spouse does u wrong not willing to change he gives the innocent blessing to mary again/ to let go. so thats what i decided i just didn't want another year to be his floor ! to get walked on when ever he felt like:)
i'm only saying this because God just gave me the courage to write this... sometimes its painful to write but its sure helps the healing process! and to share! divorse is a ugly word i dont wish it uppon anyone at all. its the hardest thing to ever go through. I always thought i did good to be his wife/ and step mom and there were times i even tried harder for my own husband to notice me, wrong answer . there were days when the kids and i & he were home and i felt not wanted @ all not even in my own family!! that is the most horible feeling in the world also knowing that your spouse is always giving u the cold sholder. So that was my world for 7 years and my first marraige. every little girl dreams of there wedding day/ marraige to be and i put all my energery good motives / and doing extra cleaning/ extra cooking surprising him wwith meals which i hate to cook lol im good now but still not my faveorite lol.
some nights i would go to bed angry so many times because my own husband didnt feel the way i felt towards him that was like that 90 percent of the time..... i would go to bed crying many times when i was with him. i was the one who always said i love u first i belive its a big deal who says it first because i thought hmmmmm i always told him i love u and he wouldn't always reply, so one day i thought of not saying i love u @ all too see if he would notice, i got use to it and it was three weeks without me saying it, i would do so much for him and get nothing in return.
our personal time together at night would be less and less less/ i just didnt even care to keep on trying at times.
the woman he's been with he still thinks its totally find to keep talking with her being friends even though they both betrayed me. Before all that has happend i had so many dreams and nightmares about those two. i knew her very well she was my closest friend @ the time and (i thought) and shared many things with her. then she started talking to me less and more and more talking with him. i remember one day he had to go to work and he left his cell phone home and called me from another number and asked if i could bring his phone to work.
so i said sure i can do that for u and i remember clearly as i was driving to wk i had a chance to see his txt messages/ yes they were all from her. he would had her name under his daughters name.
so i glanced at the numbers instead of the names and the numbers were not his daughters number! So i saw txt meesages and different things like the other night was wonderful or i love u i cant live without u and so on, so my heart majorly jumped and i was soooooo angery is the nice word to say it. so i would always go through those issues . verry hurtful and betrayed by both people. wwhen she said the word the other night/ thats when my husband told me he was gona go wwork out at the gym. so i will stop there and i wanted to share those painful places in my heart so that u understand where im comming from.
so being single divorced finalized i've looked back at everything and i can easily say thank u Lord for bringing me through those painful events. I went through all the emotions that people go through in there divorces and i still go through them time to time, but not as heavy as it wwas in the begening. if u are going through what i did somewhat close and u see the signs dont ignore because its unfortaunatly its reality, God gives us a free will and if that spouse is not willing to change u need to move on, God doesnt want us to stay in a place and be stuck and not grow, and to move forward on to a better life, if that spouse willing to change work out take that to heart that is a blessing ! I wish mine wanted to change he does not. I put so much effort into my marraige as much as i can, and when i got that decree in the mail i was very proud of myself God be the Glory because it took me the last three years of praying deciding to move forward or not.
my church FCC family/ friends have been there so much for me through the 7 yrs and now.
God has blessed me & shown me who my real friends are and those who love me for me,
my paster the most said "Carrie I am your shepered and u are my sheep i am hear supporting u through this"
when he had told me that tears of reliefe came to me, i dont cry easily it takes alot for me to cry.
i never had a paster tell me that before* that was such a jentle blessing for me.
so friends i have learned to stay connected to a pausitive group of friends/ church friends/ friends/
family if pausible. because the worst thing u can do is to hold it all inside. do not loose focus on the One who carries u through. i prayed and prayed and the Lord told me I wanted u to go through this not to harm u but to give u future hope
Jer 29:11 and to show ohers to stay connected.!! I have learned not to withdraw from those who really do love u, because that is the best support group God gives u. stay focus and stay connected Jesus.
His love is true and faithful to compleate to the end.
think on things that are pure and lovely good mememories and teasure the good times even if there were very
little good times treasure those close to your heart, Always pray for those who did u wrong.
Always treat your self. like maybe milk shake / slushy /starbucks/ something u normally couldnt do when u were with your spouce. make it healthy. always be around friends even when u want to withdraw. that my friend takes baby steps. I knoww God will take your hand make sure he guides u. because He will.
Always do something for others* these are the things ive been focusing on staying connected to God.
take good advice from good friends* divorce can lead u down in great depression, sometimes we do have to hit bottom to realise God is God and we are not:) he knows he's all knowing and knows our secreat places in our hearts.
so please take baby steps thats all God ask i know because i am in the process of lettling God heal my heart again. and slowly surly He is bulding my confidance & joy again. hear is a verse that i read 2 thessolonians 1:6
take care friend, and relise life is short God doesn't want us to stay in the place and not grow, he wants us to stay connected to him and to always recharge our spirital battery. just like we have to charge our cell phones every night we have to charge our hearts. putting on the full armor of God.
Always Stay Connected*
K love.com /wayfm.com
all about God not me*
this day in age is about computers and cell phones and gadgets the things i love!"
during my last 7 years of beeing married to someone who wanted the single life and married life
both worlds at once, letting go the life i new so well, being lied too betrayed by two of the closest people i thought he loved me. well i was wrong! and God showed me loud and clear that its ok to let go let God.
i love to hold on to things for as long as i can like old diaries journals, movies/ cassate tapes/ year books since i've had
way back in junior high! through highschool cant let go of those because it was a part of my life who i am.
i was holding on to my marraige so tightly i lost my self in the whole process, if u have a spouse who is not willing to change
i believe that its ok to let go and move on start a new chapter in your life because thats what i surley did!
it was verry hard because i was a step mom of two kids ive known when the boy was 3 yrs of age, and the girl was 8 at the time. so they say after 5 years of blended family, kids accept the new person by then.
so as i was saying married to a man that i loved so much was far from feeling the same for me, many times lies lies lies and more lies, and then a double wammy betrayal. that hurt the most like i got the wind knocked out of me so hard it seemed like. its not a very fun place to be in but somehow nothing surprisez God everything goes through his hands first he didnt let me go through this because i didnt try hard enough... he did this so i can learn grow and stay connected to God my heavenly father. i still remember every details of all the lies i cought that person in and all the anger feelings/ and for him to always put me down emotionally abuse including his daughter. with my heart issues i couldnt handle all this stress and it wwas not ment for me, to stay in a marraige to someone who doesnt love me. betrayed me, I belive God hates divorse says in Bible/ but he also says if spouse does u wrong not willing to change he gives the innocent blessing to mary again/ to let go. so thats what i decided i just didn't want another year to be his floor ! to get walked on when ever he felt like:)
i'm only saying this because God just gave me the courage to write this... sometimes its painful to write but its sure helps the healing process! and to share! divorse is a ugly word i dont wish it uppon anyone at all. its the hardest thing to ever go through. I always thought i did good to be his wife/ and step mom and there were times i even tried harder for my own husband to notice me, wrong answer . there were days when the kids and i & he were home and i felt not wanted @ all not even in my own family!! that is the most horible feeling in the world also knowing that your spouse is always giving u the cold sholder. So that was my world for 7 years and my first marraige. every little girl dreams of there wedding day/ marraige to be and i put all my energery good motives / and doing extra cleaning/ extra cooking surprising him wwith meals which i hate to cook lol im good now but still not my faveorite lol.
some nights i would go to bed angry so many times because my own husband didnt feel the way i felt towards him that was like that 90 percent of the time..... i would go to bed crying many times when i was with him. i was the one who always said i love u first i belive its a big deal who says it first because i thought hmmmmm i always told him i love u and he wouldn't always reply, so one day i thought of not saying i love u @ all too see if he would notice, i got use to it and it was three weeks without me saying it, i would do so much for him and get nothing in return.
our personal time together at night would be less and less less/ i just didnt even care to keep on trying at times.
the woman he's been with he still thinks its totally find to keep talking with her being friends even though they both betrayed me. Before all that has happend i had so many dreams and nightmares about those two. i knew her very well she was my closest friend @ the time and (i thought) and shared many things with her. then she started talking to me less and more and more talking with him. i remember one day he had to go to work and he left his cell phone home and called me from another number and asked if i could bring his phone to work.
so i said sure i can do that for u and i remember clearly as i was driving to wk i had a chance to see his txt messages/ yes they were all from her. he would had her name under his daughters name.
so i glanced at the numbers instead of the names and the numbers were not his daughters number! So i saw txt meesages and different things like the other night was wonderful or i love u i cant live without u and so on, so my heart majorly jumped and i was soooooo angery is the nice word to say it. so i would always go through those issues . verry hurtful and betrayed by both people. wwhen she said the word the other night/ thats when my husband told me he was gona go wwork out at the gym. so i will stop there and i wanted to share those painful places in my heart so that u understand where im comming from.
so being single divorced finalized i've looked back at everything and i can easily say thank u Lord for bringing me through those painful events. I went through all the emotions that people go through in there divorces and i still go through them time to time, but not as heavy as it wwas in the begening. if u are going through what i did somewhat close and u see the signs dont ignore because its unfortaunatly its reality, God gives us a free will and if that spouse is not willing to change u need to move on, God doesnt want us to stay in a place and be stuck and not grow, and to move forward on to a better life, if that spouse willing to change work out take that to heart that is a blessing ! I wish mine wanted to change he does not. I put so much effort into my marraige as much as i can, and when i got that decree in the mail i was very proud of myself God be the Glory because it took me the last three years of praying deciding to move forward or not.
my church FCC family/ friends have been there so much for me through the 7 yrs and now.
God has blessed me & shown me who my real friends are and those who love me for me,
my paster the most said "Carrie I am your shepered and u are my sheep i am hear supporting u through this"
when he had told me that tears of reliefe came to me, i dont cry easily it takes alot for me to cry.
i never had a paster tell me that before* that was such a jentle blessing for me.
so friends i have learned to stay connected to a pausitive group of friends/ church friends/ friends/
family if pausible. because the worst thing u can do is to hold it all inside. do not loose focus on the One who carries u through. i prayed and prayed and the Lord told me I wanted u to go through this not to harm u but to give u future hope
Jer 29:11 and to show ohers to stay connected.!! I have learned not to withdraw from those who really do love u, because that is the best support group God gives u. stay focus and stay connected Jesus.
His love is true and faithful to compleate to the end.
think on things that are pure and lovely good mememories and teasure the good times even if there were very
little good times treasure those close to your heart, Always pray for those who did u wrong.
Always treat your self. like maybe milk shake / slushy /starbucks/ something u normally couldnt do when u were with your spouce. make it healthy. always be around friends even when u want to withdraw. that my friend takes baby steps. I knoww God will take your hand make sure he guides u. because He will.
Always do something for others* these are the things ive been focusing on staying connected to God.
take good advice from good friends* divorce can lead u down in great depression, sometimes we do have to hit bottom to realise God is God and we are not:) he knows he's all knowing and knows our secreat places in our hearts.
so please take baby steps thats all God ask i know because i am in the process of lettling God heal my heart again. and slowly surly He is bulding my confidance & joy again. hear is a verse that i read 2 thessolonians 1:6
take care friend, and relise life is short God doesn't want us to stay in the place and not grow, he wants us to stay connected to him and to always recharge our spirital battery. just like we have to charge our cell phones every night we have to charge our hearts. putting on the full armor of God.
Always Stay Connected*
K love.com /wayfm.com
all about God not me*
Sunday, August 7, 2011
subleasing
Subleasing is needed*
Rent $799 (rent is still the same for u)
One Large bed rm & bath
1 floor
appartment
washer/dryer included/
microwave/dishwasher/ icemaker in freaser:)
my lease is up @the end of January
due to health reasons i need to sublease someone to take my place
please call me ask for Carrie my cell # 720.385.4275
.
Rent $799 (rent is still the same for u)
One Large bed rm & bath
1 floor
appartment
washer/dryer included/
microwave/dishwasher/ icemaker in freaser:)
my lease is up @the end of January
due to health reasons i need to sublease someone to take my place
please call me ask for Carrie my cell # 720.385.4275
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
Sunday, July 24, 2011
Growing Pains!"
Wow as I look back over the last few years i am amazed how god has carried me through all the emotions and the rollercoaster ride!" Sometimes God stops the ride and lets us get off the roller coaster and to let us catch our breaths and give us joy excitment for the next ride!
Some Rides are fast & Fun some are scary just think of your faveorite rides @ your faveorite amusementparks! God Is all control of all the rides. Nothing surprises Him @ all which I am verry happy peacefull about that!" lol.
I was married 7 yrs and my first marraige. i was blessed at being a step mom of two but that was a verry big challenge even though i was a very good step mom so ive been told by family & friends. My ex was was a pretty good dad to his kids but like all parents he had his faults as well! being a step mom was a great challenge for me, boy and a girl. I new what i was getting into the day he purposed. (Little did i know that he was only marrying me, as a trophy wife to make his ex jelous) not that he truly loved me for who i was but 75% of the time it was to make his ex jeslous. We got married to quickly didnt really new each other, my heart loved him as a girl everyone dreames of there first wedding, and marriage, i know there is no such thing as a perfect marriage:) i have learned that over the years, marraige is working together always, its very hard to work when the one u married doesnt want to work with u!! That is the hardest mairage of all i believe.
Dont get me wrong dan and i had fun together camping/ atv riding/ snowmobiling (that was not my fave thing) atving was! We had so much fun going to the cabin his parents owned in near Grand Lake," Co. that is a beautiful area as well!! my favorite thing when Erika and Alex were young, is driving to the cabin together and listening to stories on cds that i would rent from the liabrary! get kids mysteries and of course adventures and audasy. which had great family value stories we all loved and im so glad that Erika loved them as well~!!!" I remember one night the kids loved falling asleep listening to them, and I will never forget Erika said "carrie please come hear i have something to tell u" i said ok what is Erika?? she was age 9 @ that time! she said "one of these stories, i listened to i asked jesus in my heart!!" said the prayer with them, "I said really??!!! wow thats awesome Erika! u r Gods kid always will be his!" she said "carrie im so happy u have these tapes for me i really love them."
I smiled and said "im so glad Erika i know its hard for u guys to come to church with Dan and I am so happy u said that prayer:))" because Jesus will bever leave u or forsake u. " Erika smiled said " i know thats what he told me in my heart" Erika was 9 yrs old! amazing how something so small like the storys God uses to reach someones heart" its amazing how that works out.
that was always the moment i will always treasure with Erika and I i loved those kids like they were our own....! I wanted so much to show them Gods love through me, to them, Alot of the times it was extremly hard!!!" kids expecially kids who dont always live with u and live in a home that is negative to cometo a home for a few days who was fun & pausitive was always hard to adjust for those kids. Divorce kids have it the hardest i belive there so use to acting one way @ there other parents house then trying to behave the correct way @ there dads house @least trying to correct them" I always have always i handled things in good way good motives, when the kids were over it was all about dad, I felt left out lots of times so i tried my best to just jump in with both feet!!!
going to church for us was a strugle. Especially when Erika Alex Reached preeteens and teanagers. ugh!! that was the hardest... I remember lots of times leaving the house mad at Dan & kids. I would be going to church sooooooo upset, i was trying so hard on my own to get them to come with me!!! I hated when sunday came around, it was auful.... Dan would also go with me the weekends we didnt have the kids half the time. lol . I would still be upset but not as mad when the kids were with us.....
I reemeber when dan and i would be taking the kids back home sun evenings or mon evenings. We would have a wonderful time talking all the way to there moms house, talking laughing or telling jokes we all loved the commedian, jeff dunham and we would have so much fun repeating our faveorite parts! When we reached there moms house the kids would get out grab there school stuff, and say there good buys to yup u guessed it dad gave hugs and kisses, saying there i love u's and I would say "have a great week at school!! I love u erika alex!~!!!"
well what do i get nothin in return, rarely! that was the most hurtful thing it was always Erika who acted like i wasnt even present, so fusterating, she and i always had good moments and laughs but i just think she meens "ok i know your my step mom but your just a person to me,.... u are hear at arms length i am there!" my heart has always tried to be close to those kids and be a part of there lives, never to take place of there mom, but to always be a good rolemodle in the lives, i prayed that all the time!!!" when the kids were taken home at the end of our weekend, Erika would say buy to me sometimes/ never i love u, there was verry few times in the 7 years when she did reply back to me i love u!!!! one time it was when we were taking them home, and she actually said it sweetly back to me!!! I was trying so hard to stay cool and calm and not make a bid deal out of it when she did say i love u to me., one time i made a big deal she backed away really fast!!!!" So the day she said I love u to me melted my heart so quilkly i loved it soooooooo much. I love Erika we had lots of good moments laughs and quite a few times of hanging out, but most of the times when i had money lol. i would treat her to star bucks or once in awhile to get our nails done!" i loved it we emjoyed each other doing the girly things, lots of times she would oppen up to me, about her friends at school/ and how she feels about her mom at there house. / sometimes she would even tell me about her latest crush on a boy at school!" it was great" those were the moments i always created or planed talked it over with dan to say this is what i would like to do with Erika this weekend." He was very acceptable to that, which was cool. i was always glad. of course Dan and Alex where always content playing the exbox most of the weekend and going out riding bikes, while Erika &i were at starbucks our watching chick flicks @home. while the boys were gone:)) those were the fun times i still treasure....! U know i will tell the story what came to my desion of leaving the marriage latter but i just have to say writing this blog is like therapy helps me to share my moments good and bad to heal the heart ache that i went through. Life Is all about Growing Pains Im so greatful Jesus carries us through when we see only one foot print in our lives... God always gives us Growing Pains so that we may be stronger and to help someone ells that he sends in our paths that are hurting and not knowing what to do in the simalar situation!" My lesson i have learned is to Embrace Growing Pains they make us stronger in Him. *** :) Rom 8:28 Jer 29:11 """"""
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