Wow as I look back over the last few years i am amazed how god has carried me through all the emotions and the rollercoaster ride!" Sometimes God stops the ride and lets us get off the roller coaster and to let us catch our breaths and give us joy excitment for the next ride!
Some Rides are fast & Fun some are scary just think of your faveorite rides @ your faveorite amusementparks! God Is all control of all the rides. Nothing surprises Him @ all which I am verry happy peacefull about that!" lol.
I was married 7 yrs and my first marraige. i was blessed at being a step mom of two but that was a verry big challenge even though i was a very good step mom so ive been told by family & friends. My ex was was a pretty good dad to his kids but like all parents he had his faults as well! being a step mom was a great challenge for me, boy and a girl. I new what i was getting into the day he purposed. (Little did i know that he was only marrying me, as a trophy wife to make his ex jelous) not that he truly loved me for who i was but 75% of the time it was to make his ex jeslous. We got married to quickly didnt really new each other, my heart loved him as a girl everyone dreames of there first wedding, and marriage, i know there is no such thing as a perfect marriage:) i have learned that over the years, marraige is working together always, its very hard to work when the one u married doesnt want to work with u!! That is the hardest mairage of all i believe.
Dont get me wrong dan and i had fun together camping/ atv riding/ snowmobiling (that was not my fave thing) atving was! We had so much fun going to the cabin his parents owned in near Grand Lake," Co. that is a beautiful area as well!! my favorite thing when Erika and Alex were young, is driving to the cabin together and listening to stories on cds that i would rent from the liabrary! get kids mysteries and of course adventures and audasy. which had great family value stories we all loved and im so glad that Erika loved them as well~!!!" I remember one night the kids loved falling asleep listening to them, and I will never forget Erika said "carrie please come hear i have something to tell u" i said ok what is Erika?? she was age 9 @ that time! she said "one of these stories, i listened to i asked jesus in my heart!!" said the prayer with them, "I said really??!!! wow thats awesome Erika! u r Gods kid always will be his!" she said "carrie im so happy u have these tapes for me i really love them."
I smiled and said "im so glad Erika i know its hard for u guys to come to church with Dan and I am so happy u said that prayer:))" because Jesus will bever leave u or forsake u. " Erika smiled said " i know thats what he told me in my heart" Erika was 9 yrs old! amazing how something so small like the storys God uses to reach someones heart" its amazing how that works out.
that was always the moment i will always treasure with Erika and I i loved those kids like they were our own....! I wanted so much to show them Gods love through me, to them, Alot of the times it was extremly hard!!!" kids expecially kids who dont always live with u and live in a home that is negative to cometo a home for a few days who was fun & pausitive was always hard to adjust for those kids. Divorce kids have it the hardest i belive there so use to acting one way @ there other parents house then trying to behave the correct way @ there dads house @least trying to correct them" I always have always i handled things in good way good motives, when the kids were over it was all about dad, I felt left out lots of times so i tried my best to just jump in with both feet!!!
going to church for us was a strugle. Especially when Erika Alex Reached preeteens and teanagers. ugh!! that was the hardest... I remember lots of times leaving the house mad at Dan & kids. I would be going to church sooooooo upset, i was trying so hard on my own to get them to come with me!!! I hated when sunday came around, it was auful.... Dan would also go with me the weekends we didnt have the kids half the time. lol . I would still be upset but not as mad when the kids were with us.....
I reemeber when dan and i would be taking the kids back home sun evenings or mon evenings. We would have a wonderful time talking all the way to there moms house, talking laughing or telling jokes we all loved the commedian, jeff dunham and we would have so much fun repeating our faveorite parts! When we reached there moms house the kids would get out grab there school stuff, and say there good buys to yup u guessed it dad gave hugs and kisses, saying there i love u's and I would say "have a great week at school!! I love u erika alex!~!!!"
well what do i get nothin in return, rarely! that was the most hurtful thing it was always Erika who acted like i wasnt even present, so fusterating, she and i always had good moments and laughs but i just think she meens "ok i know your my step mom but your just a person to me,.... u are hear at arms length i am there!" my heart has always tried to be close to those kids and be a part of there lives, never to take place of there mom, but to always be a good rolemodle in the lives, i prayed that all the time!!!" when the kids were taken home at the end of our weekend, Erika would say buy to me sometimes/ never i love u, there was verry few times in the 7 years when she did reply back to me i love u!!!! one time it was when we were taking them home, and she actually said it sweetly back to me!!! I was trying so hard to stay cool and calm and not make a bid deal out of it when she did say i love u to me., one time i made a big deal she backed away really fast!!!!" So the day she said I love u to me melted my heart so quilkly i loved it soooooooo much. I love Erika we had lots of good moments laughs and quite a few times of hanging out, but most of the times when i had money lol. i would treat her to star bucks or once in awhile to get our nails done!" i loved it we emjoyed each other doing the girly things, lots of times she would oppen up to me, about her friends at school/ and how she feels about her mom at there house. / sometimes she would even tell me about her latest crush on a boy at school!" it was great" those were the moments i always created or planed talked it over with dan to say this is what i would like to do with Erika this weekend." He was very acceptable to that, which was cool. i was always glad. of course Dan and Alex where always content playing the exbox most of the weekend and going out riding bikes, while Erika &i were at starbucks our watching chick flicks @home. while the boys were gone:)) those were the fun times i still treasure....! U know i will tell the story what came to my desion of leaving the marriage latter but i just have to say writing this blog is like therapy helps me to share my moments good and bad to heal the heart ache that i went through. Life Is all about Growing Pains Im so greatful Jesus carries us through when we see only one foot print in our lives... God always gives us Growing Pains so that we may be stronger and to help someone ells that he sends in our paths that are hurting and not knowing what to do in the simalar situation!" My lesson i have learned is to Embrace Growing Pains they make us stronger in Him. *** :) Rom 8:28 Jer 29:11 """"""
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