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Growing Pains!"

Wow as I look back over the last few years i am amazed how god has carried me through all the emotions and the rollercoaster ride!"  Sometimes God stops the ride and lets us get off the roller coaster and to let us catch our breaths and give us joy excitment for the next ride!

Some Rides are fast & Fun some are scary just think of your faveorite rides @ your faveorite amusementparks!  God Is all  control of all the rides. Nothing surprises  Him @ all which I am verry happy peacefull about that!" lol. 

               I was married 7 yrs and my first marraige. i was blessed at being a step mom of two but that was a verry big challenge even though i was a very good step mom so ive been told by family & friends.  My ex was was a pretty good dad to his kids but like all parents he had his faults as well!  being a step mom was a great challenge for me, boy and a girl. I new what i was getting into the day he purposed.  (Little did i know that he was only marrying me, as a trophy wife to make his ex jelous) not that he truly loved me for who i was but 75% of the time it was to make his ex jeslous.  We got married to quickly didnt really new each other, my heart loved him as a girl everyone dreames of there first wedding, and marriage, i know there is no such thing as a perfect marriage:) i have learned that over the years,  marraige is working together always, its very hard to work when the one u married doesnt want to work with u!! That is the hardest mairage of all i believe. 

           Dont get me wrong dan and i had fun together camping/ atv riding/ snowmobiling (that was not my fave thing) atving was!  We had so much fun going to the cabin his parents owned in near Grand Lake," Co. that is a beautiful area as well!!  my favorite thing when Erika and Alex were young,  is driving to the cabin together and listening to stories on cds that i would rent from the liabrary! get kids mysteries and of course adventures and audasy. which had great family value stories we all loved and im so glad that Erika loved them as well~!!!" I remember one night the kids loved falling asleep listening to them, and I will never forget Erika said "carrie please come hear i have something to tell u" i said ok what is Erika?? she was age 9 @ that time! she said "one of these stories, i listened to i asked jesus in my heart!!" said the prayer with them, "I said really??!!! wow thats awesome Erika! u r Gods kid always will be his!" she said "carrie im so happy u have these tapes for me i really love them."

I smiled and said "im so glad Erika i know its hard for u guys to come to church with Dan and I  am so happy u said that prayer:))"  because Jesus will bever leave u or forsake u.  "  Erika smiled said " i know thats what he told me in my heart" Erika was 9 yrs old! amazing how something so small like the storys God uses to reach someones heart" its amazing how that works out. 

          that was always the moment i will always treasure with Erika and I i loved those kids like they were our own....!  I wanted so much to show them Gods love through me, to them, Alot of the times it was extremly hard!!!"    kids expecially kids who dont always live with u and live in a home that is negative to cometo a home for a few days who was fun & pausitive was always hard to adjust for those kids. Divorce kids have it the hardest i belive there so use to acting one way @ there other parents house then trying to behave the correct way @ there dads house @least trying to correct them"  I always have always i handled things in good way good motives,  when the kids were over it was all about dad,  I felt left out lots of times so i tried my best to just jump in with both feet!!!

going to church for us was a strugle.  Especially when Erika Alex Reached preeteens and teanagers. ugh!! that was the hardest...  I remember lots of times leaving the house mad at Dan & kids. I would be going to church sooooooo upset, i was trying so hard on my own to get them to come with me!!! I hated when sunday came around, it was auful.... Dan would also go with me the weekends we didnt have the kids  half the time.  lol .  I would still be upset but not as mad when the kids were with us.....

I reemeber when dan and i would be taking the kids back home sun evenings or mon evenings. We would have a wonderful time talking all the way to there moms house, talking laughing or telling jokes we all loved the commedian, jeff dunham and we would have so much fun repeating our faveorite parts!  When we reached there moms house the kids would get out grab there school stuff, and say there good buys to yup u guessed it dad gave hugs and kisses, saying there i love u's and I would say "have a great week at school!! I love u erika alex!~!!!"

well what do i get nothin in return, rarely! that was the most hurtful thing it was always Erika who acted like i wasnt even present, so fusterating,  she and i always had good moments and laughs but i just think she meens "ok i know your my step mom but your just a person to me,.... u are hear at arms length i am there!" my heart has always tried to be close to those kids and be a part of there lives, never to take place of there mom, but to always be a good rolemodle in the lives, i prayed that all the time!!!"  when the kids were taken home at the end of our weekend, Erika would say buy to me sometimes/ never i love u, there was verry few times in the 7 years when she did reply back to me i love u!!!! one time it was when we were taking them home, and she actually said it sweetly back to me!!! I was trying so hard to stay cool and calm and not make a bid deal out of it when she did say i love u to me., one time i made a big deal she backed away really fast!!!!" So the day she said I love u to me melted my heart so quilkly i loved it soooooooo much.  I love Erika we had lots of good moments laughs and quite a few times of hanging out,  but most of the times when i had money lol. i would treat her to star bucks or once in awhile to get our nails done!" i loved it we emjoyed each other doing the girly things, lots of times she would oppen up to me, about her friends at school/ and how she feels about her mom at there house. / sometimes she would even tell me about her latest crush on a boy at school!"  it was great"  those were the moments i always created or planed  talked it over with dan to say this is what i would like to do with Erika this weekend." He was very acceptable to that, which was cool. i was always glad.   of course Dan and Alex where always content playing the exbox most of the weekend and going out riding bikes, while Erika &i were at starbucks our watching chick flicks @home.  while the boys were gone:)) those were the fun times i still treasure....!  U know i will tell the story what came to my desion of leaving the marriage latter but i just have to say writing this blog is like therapy helps me to share my moments good and bad to heal the heart ache that i went through.  Life Is all about Growing Pains Im so greatful Jesus carries us through when we see only one foot print in our lives... God always gives us Growing Pains so that we may be stronger and to help someone ells that he sends in our paths that  are hurting and not knowing what to do in the simalar situation!" My lesson i have learned is to Embrace Growing Pains they make us stronger in Him. ***  :)   Rom 8:28 Jer 29:11 """"""
             

      

         

When Life Gives u Lemons make Lemonaid!"

Welcome to my Blog.

today is July 20, 011
Hi there friends/ family
I thank u for taking the time to enter a glimps of my world & how i handled life with heart desease i was born with/going through life with learning differences.
Life for me was and is not easy. I  survied my first heart
surgry when i was 14 months old.  Mom and I lived in tywon where she had worked for the government.  I had gotten sick more when she relised my lips were turning blue purple and having trouble breathing. So mom and I flew to the us to washington dc childrens hospital!
I had my firt oppen heart surgy. 
the Dr that worked on me was a believer and prayed over his patientce. ! He had told my mom that i was having a hard time and may not survive this dificult heart surgry,  Mom was not a beliver so she got on her knees and prayed in the waiting rm, " God Carrie is yours weather she lives or doesnt make it. " I trust u"
ever since then My mom was a believer! and as i grew older i had three oppen heart surgries and a pacemaker, Over the years that first pacemaker got turned off around Christmas day when i was age 21~!  that was the best exciting Christmas gift for me i ever had.  I accepted Christ in my heart when i was 11, because age two 1/2  i remember playing drs with my mom and pounding on her chest listening to her heart beat, mom asked me "is that what the drs did for me during the surgry time???  i cried and said yes. My mom asked me Carrie did u see jesus?" as a 2 year old playing drs with my mom on the floor in our living rm i burst out crying. I said yes mommy i saw him and he went away!!! " mom asked me if i remembered what He told me i said "yes i do. he wanted me to live, and he has hope and plans for me. " !! and I cried and cried and said He went away!" 
You know I grew up with out knowing who my dad was i remembered my dad leaving me for the first time since 3 yrs old.   that was when my heart was broken and as a little girl i didnt know what or why. 
So 1994 when i was 7 mom and i moved hear to colorado to be close to my moms sister and family.  we stayed with them until mom found a job and our home.  I grew up  with out my dad alway asking mom why and where he's at mom was always honest with me and i loved that. i was really greatful for her telling me, even though it was very hard to hear and understand.  mom and i grew up together going to church and have God the most important in our lives.  As i was age two playing drs i remembered as a child that i saw jesus. u probably have heard many stories of children seeing God nearly dying, and till this day God has kept me close. i accepted jesus in my heart when i was age 11, good strange thing one day the service was about  how God is our heavenly father to all who accept christ. and that if i draw near to him he will draw near to me, That time was close to fathers day and i always got emotional over that time of event.  so i said that prayer that changed my life for the best:)
so all i know not to preach at u my friends, but im just telling u my story u may not agree u may disbeleave, but its what happend to me as a child. having three oppen heart surgries almost not survived/ growing up with low confidance as a child, not feeling not good about who i am and why God let me go through all these difficult surgries and being in pain as a child.  My mom has always been there for me  and took care of me, as a mom and as a dad going to all my sports things in school.   as u can imagine my mom and i have always been close we've had our moments like always but what mother and daughter doesnt???!! so God doesnt give us the bad times because he is the cause God is not a god of even he has no part in evil, we are just humans and  when we are born with heart desease / learning differences/ we have to just accept and make the best we can make out of it it may not be during my school years, my confidance grew in christ over the years. not when i said the prayer at age 11. things were still hard and painful.  God is faithful to complete till the end.   He never forgoten about me, all he wants us to do is to make him first in our hearts and he will walk with us when we see one set of foot prints in the sand thats when He carries us. saying the prayer is not majic its the start of a adventure.   you are reading from a person who knows pain and heart ache and im just sharing with u that i made Lemons with that Lemonaid!!"   I hope u will do the same in your life where ever u are @. Pain or no Pain He wants to Carry you:)